Fighting For My Girls

Little Angels

Admiring Big Sister

(I just love that little bald head)

If you know me personally, you've probably heard that I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. In addition to the "D" word, I'm also facing the big ugly "C" word, too. Yippee.

Both my sister and my niece told me to "fight like a girl". I hadn't heard that expression, so what I pictured was two uncoordinated girls slapping at each other and pulling hair and crying and yelling MOM! Like we did when we were kids. I didn't get it. Someone had to explain it to me.

I love my girls {the ones pictured above} and I have to do everything I can so that I'll be here for them for as long as I possibly can be. Plus, I haven't really lived yet. There is so much I have to do, so many dreams to fulfill. There are too many people who want me to stick around awhile. And I've always looked forward to being a grandmother. I'm gonna be a GREAT grandmother some day.

I hope.

Where Did The Silliness Go?

I've just recently reconnected with a friend from high school. About 10 years ago we got together briefly before losing touch again. In her last e-mail she mentioned she could tell something had changed in my style / tone of writing since we found each other again. She wondered where the fun and silliness had gone, while also recognizing the stress I'm currently under. Even so, I wonder myself where the silliness went. I can't remember the last time I was carefree and totally happy. I feel like I've been carrying around the weight of the world forever. When did I become so serious?

I searched my photo files to try and come up with a silly picture and a story to tell. I found the perfect one. This one's for you, Tracy:

Last year, when Melody turned 14, she asked for one thing. Naturally, she waited until the night before her birthday to ask, and I found myself scratching my head and scrambling to fulfill her only wish: "I want a special cake. Not just a regular decorated cake. But something spectacular!"

Great. Where am I gonna find that, I asked myself.

But seeing that I always try to please those I love, especially on birthdays, I decided to go ahead and get the regular old boring Publix cake, but I'd embellish it. Yep. I bought swizzle sticks and candy sea shells, jelly beans, multicolored crystal sugar sprinkles, and chocolate covered candy coated sunflower seeds. The piece de resistance, however, was an acrobatic frog. Oh, yeah. This cake was fan-tabulous!

She loved it, of course, and we all giggled and had fun making the frog jump. (I think I went too far, though. Those chocolate covered candy coated sunflower seeds reminded me of technicolored hamster droppings. I never do know when to stop.)

My oldest daughter, Rachel, observed all this quietly and refrained from making any derogatory comments with regards to my artistic cake decorating abilities. (I was impressed with her restraint.) But afterward, once we'd eaten our cake and ice cream, she goes, "Mom. For my birthday? I don't want a pimped out cake."

Pimped out cake.

Beauty Everywhere

One time, when my youngest daughter was not quite three, she sat outside my closed bathroom door while I got ready for work. As I was brushing my hair, I heard her musical little voice say, "Mom, are you brushing your hair?" And I replied with a smile on my face, "Yes, Melody. How did you know?" (I knew she could hear the sound of the bristles as they brushed.)

She got very quiet, then I heard her sigh. She said, just a little bit exasperated, "There's beauty everywhere, Mom."

Yes there is, Tiny Teacher. There's even music in my hair.

Where there is life, there is beauty. Even during times of trouble, we just have to look, listen, touch, taste and smell to recognize it.

My Tiny Teacher just turned 15 and as I face divorce after almost 23 years of marriage, I hold her lesson dear to my heart. No matter what, beauty remains, if we are open to finding it.